Thursday, 23 February 2012

Of Course I'll Give You A Discount After Cops Come To Take You Away

Dear punk ass bitches:

Listen up.

When you come into my hotel and the first fucking words out of your mouth are "Oh wow, you're pretty!", you cannot expect me to treat you with any form of respect or politeness. Especially at 2:30 in the morning when you reek of pot, booze and you're tweaking. I live and work in the ghetto, homeboy. I can spot that shit a mile away now.

I gave you a five dollar discount because you said it was just the two of you, after you checked out my tits, made more rude comments (to the point where one of my regulars stayed up at the desk until you left because he was getting mad at the shit you were saying- and a drunk construction guy is clearly one you don't want to piss off) and then you proceeded to shit all over my kindness.

Bringing in seven other people? Awesome.
Calling me "mami" every fucking time you came downstairs to go for a smoke? Check.
Winking and licking your lips? Bitch I just ate my supper, I wanted to throw up!

And then the goddamn icing on the cake.

You brought a wanted criminal into my hotel and woke the entire place up with the bullshit take down the cops had to do. You're fantastic. Don't try to apologise or whine, it is most unbecoming of a six foot four child.

I'm keeping your deposit and kicking your sorry ass out.



Jaclyn said...

Maybe I'm wrong on this one, but I'm fairly sure he said "wow, your pretty". It just seems like something he would say, you know?

When creepy dudes hit on you, you should tell them you can only have an orgasm if a guy lets you shit on him. Some sort of deep psychological problems or something and you need him to help you work through it.

Jana said...

One day, Just for one day....I would like to shadow you at the front desk, if only, to admire you while you take people down. And provide running commentary too! Your stories are awesome.

Front Desk Ninja said...

Jaclyn- You take gross to a whole new level. I hope you know that.

Jana- Thank you! I would love running commentary that isn't my own. Sometimes I bore myself.