Thursday, 22 December 2011

Come At Me With An Apology And I Think You're About To Stab Me

Dear hot and awkwardly drunk boy,

I'm using you today as an example of what to never ever do when approaching the desk of a hotel.
Don't say "I'm realllllyyyyy sorry" before I notice your state of intoxication.
I nearly shit my pants tonight because I saw hands in pockets, dark and mysterious tall man, who smelled yummy, coming at me with a fucking apology.
You know who apologizes, hot and awkwardly drunk boy?

People about to rob me.

People who are about to throw knives/darts/babies at my face.

People who have weapons hiding in their pants, that aren't attached to them.

Those kinds of people start with an apology.
Never apologize because you were too drunk to drive, and the voice of your mother scared you into walking 3 miles to get to my hotel, where you've been before so you know I'd give you a drunk guy rate.
You're smart, peanut.
One day I'll have you trained.

Happy Holidays, my friends.




Jaclyn said...

Is there some sort of hotel rule I'm not aware of? Like if I throw my baby at you and get out the door before you react, then you have to babysit till I get back? Because that is a rule I need to know about.

How was your holiday? Full of crazy?

Front Desk Ninja said...

So far the only thing I haven't had thrown at me while working at a hotel include: a grenade, a clown's nose (but I got the wig), a pony, salt and pepper shakers and false teeth. Everything else, has been catapulted at me at one point or another.

When the woman handed me her kid and walked out (no lie. Walked.The.Fuck.Out.) I pretty much continued on about my audit, just with a baby on my hip. When I was done my paperwork, had everything filed, and had filled out the police report papers, I gave them boys a call and had them come assess the situation.

Kid was pretty decent, too. Did not shit her diaper once. I of course fed it chocolate and chips, with soda to go down. Gotta keep them wired at 2am.

I'm kidding. No pop was available.

My holiday was so full of crazy I'm still writing about it. Just you wait. ;)