Friday, 16 December 2011

I Am Not Your Friend, You Dirty Trollop!

Dear 'Valued Guest'

I think I speak for both night audits when I tell you to go fuck yourself.
We deal with your bullshit, every.fucking.night.
I, for the most part, ignore you and give you my "I'm only smiling because I'm being paid to" smile.
You confused that with a genuine interest in your life, until the night you tore into me when I was dealing with more drama than your room has ever been a part of. You threatened me, you threatened to have my job and you assume you're 'important' because you're always here.

Princess?
You're the last person we want to see here, and I'm ranking you below the creepy porn guy. Which clearly says a lot.

So I have to ask you.
How, and where, do you get off thinking I'd like to receive a Christmas gift you're making yourself? I'm not telling you, or anyone at this hotel for that matter, what my "Most Favouritest Colour Ever IS!" Because fuck you. I hate clutter, I generally have a hard time accepting gifts from family members, let alone a stranger I Clearly only tolerate.

I know I sound like a bitch, but I have declined your offer twice. Politely. But if you bring in another person at my work to harass me about giving a favourite colour, I will snap at you in the most Un-Christmas Spirit Ever. You cannot buy back the respect you lost from me, and I will continue to say politely "No thank you".

Spread your holiday 'cheer' elsewhere, please and thanks.
-Ninja.

P.S. The next time I see you bringing your business through my lobby where they try to PEE INTO THE PLANTER, I will call the cops and have you evicted. And your little dog too.

5 comments:

mistyslaws said...

Hey Ninja. Um, just wondering. What's your favorite color EVA??? No reason, you know. Just, um, taking a poll. Yeah, that's it. :)

I would tell her because I would be fascinated to know what she could possibly give you. Maybe it's an array of colored condoms. You know she probably buys in bulk so gets a good deal. Maybe it's a midriff bearing tank top? Thigh high boots? Thong underwear? Seriously, the suspense is now killing me. JUST TELL HER YOUR FAVORITE COLOR ALREADY!! Plus, then you get more bloggin fodder. Always good times. I want to know about the whore gift. Pretty please???

Front Desk Ninja said...

Misty, my love, fear not.
The whore won't be giving me her cooties, but she's making gifts for everyone else at the hotel. Literally. I'm the only one who has declined to answer, and therefore declined to receive anything.

I'll keep you updated, for realz.
And since no one I work with reads this, it's a lightdark shade of blue/grey/silver. Bam.

Jaclyn said...

At least she didn't ask your favorite flavor. So you can know for sure she isn't making you edible panties. Or maybe she's like a toddler in that way? Red=cherry and such. Ok. I changed my mind. My vote is for edible panties. You should tell her your favorite color is chlamydia.

Gia said...

Ugh, so weird. Tell her it's against the rules for you to accept gifts from customers?

Front Desk Ninja said...

Jaclyn- Best comment ever to wake up to. She's no longer speaking to me, and called me a name that almost got her thrown out of the hotel.

Gia- I tried that route, then she said everyone else was accepting one, so I then took the blunt and honest route and said I didn't feel comfortable taking gifts from people who make problems worse on busy nights by threatening my job and person. It's seemed to have done the trick.