Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Tips On Whoring, From A Forced Observer



I have to tell you something.
Your tits need better support. You're slacking, literally, in that department.

Don't request to be beside your 'friends' and then have a screaming match in my hallways at 1am. That shit, will not fly anywhere. Now that you've gone back to your own beds and have resumed 'watching tv', I can honestly say that I am already sick of the Winter Whores.

Last year, they weren't nearly as bad as this. This year? I feel the need to point out some 'safety' tips.

Safety Tip One

When you are in the hotel, or around the hotel, act like you aren't a big dirty whore.
Why, Ninja? Because then I won't have to get the cops to come and bust your ass and you can continue spreading your legs for minimal money. I can't see anyone paying above $20 for what you have.
Safety Tip Two

Stay Classy.
Why, Ninja​? Because it makes me less inclined to call the cops. Ways to make me call the cops on you, are as follows (but obviously not limited to):
-Calling me names
- Talking to people I'm checking in and offering your services. THAT IS NOT OKAY.
- Dressing like a whore, in the most obvious and nipple-painful way. When I can see the nipple clamps on you, you're not wearing enough clothing, kids.
- Spitting outside my lobby. Or in my lobby.

Safety Tip Three
Do Not Be Dramatic. Why, Ninja? Well it's simple, Winter Whore. I know that times are getting rough, and it is a helluvalot colder now out there when you have to display your goods, so most of you have taken to working out of the hotel, rather than getting the john to pay for it. I can respect this. I have some tips in another post coming up on How To Whore Properly From A Hotel, but right now this isn't about proper hotel usage. This is about the BULLSHIT fight I just had to break up. Keeping it drama free brings the clients back and keeps my hotel name out of your filthy mouth. Let's work on that, shall we?
A Final Safety Note....

Dear Winter Whores,
Fighting in, or out of my hotel will have you kicked out on your ass. I understand this man drives a really expensive car. I do not understand why he is choosing to slum it with you, but that is not for me to judge openly. What I will judge, and what I will do, is call the police on all of you if you
ever get into a catfight over another client again. I don't care who saw him first, I do not care whose number he called. I will take pictures of his face, car and license plate, along with yours and send them in anonymously to the local newspapers. I will bust this shit wide open and make sure you are banned from every single hotel in this city if you ever call me a whore, cunt or bitch again. The cameras can be turned off, sweetheart. I don't tell you how to suck cock, don't try and tell me how to do my job. Be classier, ladies. You've only got a good five years left in this industry.




Becca said...

I gotta to say that for some odd reason this post made my day. Something about winter whores, it's just too good to be true I say. Just remember a little pepper spray goes a long, long way.

Gia said...

A fight over a client? Couldn't they just charge him like 5x as much and have a threesome? Sheesh, they need to whore smarter.

Front Desk Ninja said...

Becca- I'm glad it made your day. Honestly, some of these women are a part of our summer whore collection, but they are 10 times classier in the summer heat than the winter freeze.

Gia- He's a one whore at a time kind of girl. His car is here more often than not,... it's awkward.

Jaclyn said...

Wow. You are servicing some classy bitches, let me tell you.

Romina Garcia said...

Oh Ninja you are so wise. Classic post. Loved it.

Front Desk Ninja said...

Jaclyn: Best part? They're both back this week, and they're two doors away from each other. I hope the john's know how to read...

RominaG: Yay! New person! Welcome! You get lots of exclaimation points! !!!!