Tuesday, 3 January 2012

If You Don't Understand This Joke, We Can't Be Friends Because I'm Too Old For You

So, working nights, and with drunks and the fact I have boobs and smile a lot (I'm paid to, people.) means that I'll inevitably be hit on from time to time from people who do not know how to take no for an answer. Last night, was apparently no exception as I had a military guy check in and then proceed to badger the fuck out of me ask me a bunch of questions. Finally he went to his room, only to call me and ask for my number.

It's against the policy of the hotel, and he was not cute enough for me to risk my job over. I declined, and continued to do so for four hours AFTER the first rejection. Finally, finally, the military man wore me down. Here's (roughly) how the conversation went when he came up to the desk to ask me again.

Military Guy: C'mon, (my name), no one's gonna know. I'm only going to be in (military base near by) for a couple weeks. I just want someone to talk to when I'm bored, y'know?
Me: *sigh and dramatic eyeroll* Seriously? No. I admire the persistent badgering though, but if you think you're the first guy to try this, you're not. I reject everyone, so don't feel too bad.
Military Guy: You're breaking my heart, sweetcheeks. (yes, he seriously called me 'sweetcheeks'. I wish we had been in a place where I don't work...I would have slapped him senseless)
Me: I hear there's a support group for that sort of thing.
Military Guy: C'mon, just give me a number. You know you want to. (said in the creepiest fucking tone that made me gag in front of him)
Me: Fine. I'll say it once, and I'm not waiting for you to write it down.
Military Guy: I have a great memory. Shoot.
Me: 705 867 5309.

He winked, and walked away.

I used a local area code, so I didn't completely give it away, but I hope he hasn't tried to call that number in the wee hours of the night. I don't even think it's a real number....if it is, though....

I hope Jenny answers it.

2012 is kicking ass so far.


Gia said...

hahahh well if someone local wanted the number 8675309 they deserve prank calls :P

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and if someone has the number, they are obviously too young to remember the song and deserve harassment. Maybe he'll find a dumb friend for his dumbass! I think you probably made a love connection.

How did you NOT sing the number, though, is what I wanna know? ;)

Front Desk Ninja said...

Gia- That's what I'm saying! I almost want to text that number and see if anything comes up. I haven't been able to think of anything witty, though, other than asking if Jenny's home...

Misty- I ALMOST DID!!!! I caught myself just in time and waited until he was gone before I laughed and sung the song.

Also, fun fact: I'm basically a fetus myself. 23 years old and I would know that was a prank number. I use it as a screening test for any new people in my life, though. No one can miss any 80s John Hughes movie references, or older song references and still be loved by me. It's impossible.

ColinP said...


I totally couldn't help but sing it to myself while at my cube. Thankfully most of my co-workers already think I am kinda strange to begin with.

CIDHH6 said...

I have done the same thing, and on a military base as well. Being married is not an automatic no to some people. I like that he tried the "baby, I'm only gonna be on x base for a few days/weeks, so we have to make this time special".

Side note- I was a front desk agent in Alaska near the only real hospitals in the state, several liquor stores, and the two biggest military bases in the state. I LOVED that job, but parts of it were really awful and made you question humanity.

Front Desk Ninja said...

@ColinP: I'm so glad I could further strengthen your co-workers opinion of your strange. Welcome, newcomer!

@CIDHH6: I regularly pretend to be engaged, if not married. It's shocking how often that shit doesn't work.

This job is also one of, if not the most favourite one I have, but I agree. You really see the skanky side of humanity when you work the front desk (especially the night audit) of a hotel. Even if it's not in the ghetto, I imagine it's still the same shit. Welcome to you too!

Jana said...

Ha ha...that was awesome! I have given that number out a few times myself and have only been caught once. If you go really slow, they never know...ok its 86...75...309

Front Desk Ninja said...

Jana: I said it at the same pace, just a mili-pause between the numbers. When he left, I did infact do a wee dance.

It's far too comical to not give that number out. I mean, really. It's a lot harder to know than the Pizza Pizza number..

Jen said...

That song made my life a living hell in the 80's and is EXACTLY the reason I stopped going by 'Jennie' and insisted on 'Jen'. I am glad to hear that the tune has gone forth to create some positive karma in the universe. :)

Stephanie "Sassy Pants" Iris said...

Bahahahahahahaha I love this.