Yes, You're Really That Stupid

Hooker Who Has Been Here Longer Than Me: "Where's your ice machine?"
Me: *dumbfounded* "Where it's always been."
Hooker: "Oh, I never knew that."


What the fuck are you on tonight?
My serious question to you, because I know you're on something, but holy fuck. The three signs in my lobby, plus your vast knowledge of the hotel (albeit, generally just the rooms...) forces me to conclude you're on something super special tonight.
Don't puke or die in my hallway please.

The End Is Coming.... We're All Fucked Now

So, tonight I came into work (Happy Mothers Day to all you mommies out there, be tee dubs) and noticed that  Tuesday, some 'E' chick is starting to work. I assumed they hired for Front Desk and not my job, because audits are shockingly hard to fill when bosses are picky about people.

Nope. Starting next Sunday (I can only assume her three shifts this week are regular human hours and not vampire hours like I work here) I'll have a full time trainee on my hands.

This will be both awesome and horrible. I've of course listed out the possible scenarios.

Awesome
-She's worked in the industry before
-She's been a night audit before (less training!)
- She's cool. And a badass.
-She's older than me, and therefore will likely last in this job. (Seriously, I have no idea why they hired me. I was way too young to work the desk alone with all the crazy bullshit that's happened here. I told my boss if they hired younger *and* and female that that chick would walk within three months)

Horrible
-Her personality could suck.
-I'd be trapped here with her for the remainder of my days.
-She could be an absolutely dense human being that makes me want to bang my head on the desk in frustration.
-She could be good at her job, but have a horrible work ethic and make questionable choices here. Aka fuck off from the desk for hours at a time and let the place burn down.

I'm hoping it's a balance of awesome and horrible. I don't expect a super cool badass to come in on Wednesday morning (first time I'll meet her) but I do expect some level of competence and knowledge. It'll be a bonus if she's done night audit, but if not, I hope my training style and her learning styles match up and we don't kill each other.

Month End quickly approaches, kids.

Happy Monday!

The Dirtiest Post Ever Full Of A LOT I Will Expand On. Later. Probably.

Okay, so, it's been an INSANE week.

Things I have legitimately said to people in the past... six nights.

"No, we aren't the hotel with the bodies. That was the other Travelodge"

"If you don't plan on doing your fucking job, you can throw your hat over here and I'll pretend to be the fucking boy for tonight."

"Ma'am, you need to muffle your sex. I can hear you from the lobby."

"We aren't in high school anymore. You don't have the power, bitch. Slam the door in my face again, or call me a cunt, and I will have those lovely boys in blue here to haul your disrespectful ass out of here" (said tonight. Such a great night)


"Listen, calm yo tits. Creepy guys with backpacks who are tweaking isn't anything new to us. I'm fine."

There was so much more.
So much and yet I can't fucking remember anything. Old age is hitting me pretty goddamn hard.

I'm working a lot, I barely sleep, I'm surprised I'm able to do laundry and I'm crabby enough that I'm only talking to a few people with nice tones. So if you're one of them (Jaclyn, Jen, ....boy who reads my blog sometimes and Skypes me more often than not that doesn't have a good nickname yet...) You know you're in that special place in my life.

I'm also bruised, and finding new scrapes/marks every hour. It's awesome.

Maybe tomorrow I'll write a blog that has some sort of flow to it. Or explain what the shit happened. Because, y'all, for once! I was not the fucking hotel with all the crazy shit. I know. I'm as shocked as you are.